Here’s how it works: There’s a quite well-known hostess club in the Lan Kwai Fong area of Hong Kong frequented by those with a liking for “white chicks”.

Nothing wrong with that and so, one pays for the companionship of young ladies from Oz- mainly from the Gold Coast- Czechs, Moldovians etc and puts up with the surly service by waitresses who are bored shitless and a manageress with a moustache.

Nothing wrong with any of this and the girls are paid to sit there, ply one for watered down drinks at the rate of knots and pretend that you’re the most enthralling person in the world- and you’re now so delirious through booze, you believe it.

And so, for their company, some infrequent pole dancing and paying for their drinks- as mentioned, all watered down- one pays over HK$5,000.

Nothing wrong with any of this either.

Hark! And then comes an idea from these girls: Let’s go to the place’s sister club- also in LKF- and where one MUST spend ANOTHER HK$5,000.

Nothing really wrong with this either and the girls from the former establishment accompany you to this new club

Once there, they ALL order “Vodka Cranberry.”

So, one gets a bit suss about this liking by ALL for “vodka cranberry” and taste their drinks: It is straight cranberry juice in martini glasses.

But, you have already paid the HK$5,000 and the bouncers here are not women with moustaches.

These are surly men with an air of hostility.

The girls insist that you order Champagne- but will this be in addition to the HK$5,000?

It’s never ever made clear.

To make things even more complicated this joint’s credit card swipe system is always on the blink- and room for another scam if too fucking drunk to notice.

When one’s credit card doesn’t work because of their broken down machine, the hurly burly troops circle the victim and demands cash.

Who carries over $5000 in cash at 2am?

Bottom line: Screw it. It’s all a tease and to  those, mainly, Indian horse owners in Hong Kong with a penchant for “white meat” who go and “date” these girls in the vain hope of getting laid, good luck.

As with many places around the world- Singapore comes to mind as does London- these ladies are street smart, all part of the game and are just laughing behind your backs for being such stupidly optimistic dumb asses.