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WINNER: KUNG FU ACTOR SAMMO FUNG

The way Sammo’s Amber Sky blitzed the field in the 1000 metres sprint in Race 1 today, the actor has a very good horse.

Even if totally untrue, we’ll still say the same thing: We don’t want our asses kicked and hung out to dry.

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TRAINERS OF THE DAY

WINNERS: SEAN WOODS, JOHN SIZE AND RICHARD GIBSON

One expects this of John Size and Richard Gibson, but it as good to see Sean Woods shake off the mothballs, close his ears to all the construction noise near his stables which he says has FREAKED out his horses, and saddle up a very much needed double.

As for John Size, he carries on in his own sweet way and the way his Delta Edge took to the all-weather track showed that the trainer might have a dirt specialist on this hand who is, otherwise, quite average when racing on the turf.

Meanwhile, Richard Gibson simply goes from strength to strength and he and Size are leaving many others in the training ranks looking pretty ordinary.

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RIDE OF THE DAY

WINNER: ANDREAS SUBORICS ON CHATER D’CAT

Sure, it didn’t win, but, to us, this was a very smart ride by The Comeback Kid on the 40 to 1 outsider. Suborics had already won Race 1 aboard the very impressive Amber Sky in Race 1.

We reckon David “Darth Vader” Ferraris will be using this still pretty under-utilized and very good jockey more and more.

Meanwhile, sadly, “Darth’s” Euphemism and the “heroin” horse- Theheroinmyheart- failed to do much but the good news was that there were lightning bolts and cosmic fallout raining on Shatin.

We might even have seen “Darth” crack a smile which is better than “Darth” cracking a shit.

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THE PERENNIAL PHOTO HOGGER AWARD

WINNER: ACTOR NATALIS CHAN

 He has always had a history of crashing winning photo opportunities which makes him a right old knob in our books.

He also “never loses” and has to show his winning tickets- but never the losing ones.

 At Shatin, there was Nat Chan onstage- and minus any weird coloured hair- in the winning photo and trying to get a touch of the Cup meant for owner Felice Louey whose horse Panther Run won Race 6.

 Yes, it was another wretched example of being a serial photo crasher.

A little known fact: Natalis Chan was the lead singer with a Hong Kong band in the Seventies called and spelt The Loosers.

H was so crap, he got fired from the Loosers which changed its name to the Wynners.

 The manager of the band at the time was one Pato Leung who was a horrible speller- and with teeth which Dracula would be proud to own.

  Pato Leung today is DOCTOR Pato Leung- a “doctor” of homeopathic remedies and has the dubious honour of being told to take one of his horses and fuck off by Tony Cruz. 

Apparently, the good “doctor” wanted “Cruzy” to give the horse homeopathic pick-me-ups and was prone to giving the advice on training methods. 

Yes, another knob. Right, Natalis, you shameless publicity hound?

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THE MUTUAL ADMIRATION SOCIETY AWARD

WINNERS: “JUNGLE JOHN” MOORE AND BRETT PREBBLE

 Yes, the gruesome twosome combined to take out The Skol Cup with Final Answer though “Jungle John” was not at the track. 

He was no doubt swinging on some vines in Phuket or at the Sales in Oz wearing a pith helmet and loin cloth made up of a very small fig leaf. 

This was the second Cup success for the duo in consecutive weeks with Admiration taking out The Stewards Cup. 

This new team is something we see as things of far more permanent to come in the future.

 A few final questions: Didn’t Little Timmy Clark do a lotta work on Admiration to get it ready- but only to lose the ride and get scraps thrown his way by Moore The Merrier? 

We also have to wonder what Darren Beadman, the irreplaceable “Dazzler”, thinks of everything happening. 

We reckon, he’ll have a wry smile on his face and would be thinking quite a few involved are real, yes, knobs making loud sucking sounds.

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THE “KICKING SAND IN THEIR FACES” AWARD

WINNER: DOUGLAS WHYTE

 For months, many armchair critics were adamant that Douglas Whyte “couldn’t wide winners on the all-weather racing surface.”

 Frankly, we believe, that the Durban Turban is getting better – if this is possible- and seems to have even more power and a finish. 

As for “not being able to ride winners” on the all-weather surface, well three winners on the dirt is not exactly bad going. 

Put the Demon down and he uses it as some sorta self-motivational course.

 

 And as if to tell his knockers to shut the fuck up, he won three all-dirt races at Shatin and punched his fist in the air to show the latest collection of jewellery which now hangs from and around his wrists. 

He really is The Mr.T and Elton John of the racing world.

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THE “LOOK, MA, I’M WINNING LIKE MICKAEL BARZALONA” AWARD

WINNER: HOWARD “THE DUCK” CHENG

 

 The young Barzalona needs to curb his habit of standing on his irons, often, long before the winning post and saluting the crowds. 

Put it down to youthful exuberance and, at least for now, he has been able to get away with this flamboyance.

 On Monday, Howard “The Duck” Cheng tried to “do a Barzaona” when winning on Panther Run.

What some might not have seen is how “The Duckman” wobbled and was nearly riding side-saddle after the winning post. 

It looked a tad undignified and made Panther Run look like Donkey’s Ass.

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THE CRUZ CONTROL AWARD

WINNER: UMBERTO RISPOLI

 Watching the young Italian jockey win aboard Life Of Flash and seeing the smile on the face of Tony Cruz, we’re tipping that this young Italian rider will do much more riding for the trainer- and others having also ridden a winner for Sean Woods yesterday. 

It’s tough for a young jockey like him to come to Hong Kong with zero connections and have to go hunting for rides. 

In Europe, one has agents to do this, but in Hong Kong, it’s a full-time gig made up of sucking up to trainers and owners and all those friends of owners etc. 

This is where someone like Douglas Whyte excels: He’s got this down to a fine art and which is what makes him the champion he is and who rode his 1400th winner in Hong Kong yesterday. 

That’s a pretty staggering number.   

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THE “WARNING: LEARNER DRIVER AHEAD” AWARD

APPRENTICE ALVIN “THE CHIPMUNK” NG

 Frankly, we’re getting tired of writing about “The Chipmunk” and handing him our awards. 

He arrived in Hong Kong after riding in more races and riding more winners of any other apprentice- but while in New Zealand. 

But watching his rides week after week, we think the poor kid has been thrown into the deep end and told to sink or swim. Or lead at all costs.

 On Monday, yes, he managed to ride a winner, but we watched all his other rides and they were, sadly, very misjudged. Just watch his ride on Meridian Treasure and where he was all at sea on the favourite for that race. 

“The Chipmunk” needs an enforced break, and some good mentoring before being allowed to race against all the very experienced riders in Hong Kong.

Being indentured to trainer Dennis Yip isn’t helping his cause either: Yip was hardly a good jockey before turning to training and what advice he can offer his apprentice is lost on us..and all those Pigs In Spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace.