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Make sure you turn up at the Happy Valley racecourse on Wednesday- not Tuesday or Thursday- but Wednesday.

One can have a Happy Tuesday or, hmmmm, a Happy Thursday, somewhere else, but a Happy Wednesday happens at Happy Valley Racecourse, ok?

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Walk up to someone you fancy and ask them if they know that a Happy Wednesday is also known as Happy Hump Day.

If a jockey, forget donning the owners’ silks for one race. Instead walk into the paddock dressed as Ronald McDonald munching on a Big Mac and chat to the connections of the horse as if nothing’s wrong.

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Dress up like Lady Gaga, pay to have some “paparazzi” following and taking photos of you, sign autographs and see how long you can keep up the con.

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We’ll pay you HK$1000 if, after the running of Race 6, you run up and down the length of the Beer Garden screaming “I just won the Triple Trio! I just won the Triple Trio!”

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Stand outside the paddock and flash Jenny Chapman, the HKJC’s Paddock Expert, OR, when the bald guy is interviewing someone and the cameras are rolling, stand in the back and flash your whatever.

If looking like any of the ladies below, we’ll pay you to flash us.

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Write to the HKJC and ask if all the jockeys can appear before the races dressed as Lady Gaga’s Little Monsters.

Below are jockeys Little Timmy Clark and Jeff Lloyd getting ready for Gaga’s concerts in Hong Kong.

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Wait until the end of races outside the Jockeys Room, wait for Champion Jockey Douglas Whyte to come out, go up to him and tell him you have some tips to make him a better jockey, how to ride SIX winners in a day and also how to put forward a better argument in front of the Stewards. THEN, tell him you have better bracelets and rings. Film the entire episode and bung it up on YouTube.

“F*** off, mate!”

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Skip lunch: There is plenty of tuck at the Beer Garden- everything from the usual suspects like McDonald’s and KFC to Chinese box dinners, pizzas and our favourites- the kebabs.

Away from the Beer Garden is the brand new Food Court and if you can, try and taste the cuisine here.

One word of “warning”: The fresh air at the Beer Garden means giving you a HUGE bloody appetite and can have you going back from more- more kebabs, more char siu fan, more kebabs and everything washed down by beers and wines.

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Back a winner: Yes, easier said than done, so back every horse in the last three races- this bet is called a Treble- and show your mates your winning ticket. Don’t tell them how much it cost you for these 15 minutes of fame.

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If you have any other suggestions, send them to info@fasttrack.hk. You might even win something for your trouble.